Many years ago I was attending a business event where Pinball Clemons gave an inspirational talk. He was amazing and had great energy! At one point he brought up how people can feel all alone even when surrounded by lots of people. That spoke right to me, to my core. It triggered me terribly as I sat there feeling very much alone and unsupported even though I had people in my life who loved and cared about me. It took me many adult years to figure out that we are in charge of looking after ourselves and for putting together our circles of support.
Some questions to ask:
- Who do I turn to when things get dialed up in my life?
- Am I getting the support I need from them?
- Do I need someone to listen, to be a sounding board or do I need help with finding a solution, or both?
- Do I communicate with the person what it is I need from them at the time?
- Notice any patterns, does it help speaking with them or does it make things worse?
Sometimes the ones who are closest to us are not able to support us in the way that we need. What they can give to us and what we need in terms of support can look and feel very different. This is where it is beneficial to have neutral parties (paid professionals) included as part of the circle.
We can have different circles for different areas of life. I have 3 core circles of support:
Personal Health & Wellness Business / Career
I invite you to make a list of your circle(s). It’s possible you may want to make some changes depending on how you answered the questions above. Below are some ideas to help put together or add to your circle(s).
- Mental Health Professional
- Spirit Guides
It’s important to remember that we are at the centre of our circles and relying only on others to support us is not enough. We must also play an active role of supporting ourselves through self-care. If you are having challenges with self-care, or your circles of support then let’s have a conversation! Please email your complimentary conversation request to firstname.lastname@example.org.
“Need a little patience, yeah
Just a little patience, yeah
Some more patience, yeah”
Quoted from the song Patience by Guns N’ Roses
Recently the song Patience popped into my head. It’s a song that was a good part of my teenage years (oh my, I looked up the release date and it’s almost 30 years old)! I hadn’t played it in many years and it’s one of the songs I used to love to sing to. By the time I’ve belted out all the lyrics I’ve gotten rid extra energy I don’t need, been given goosebumps by the acoustic guitars, and given my diaphragm and lungs a mini workout. I’m in a much better place!
Those of us with school age children are most likely looking forward to getting back into a routine. Or we may be dreading the school routine all together. Either way, this is the time when parents and kids can get a little out of sorts. We may find ourselves lacking in patience, that our reactions to certain things can become inflated. This can be an indication that we need to step up our self-care regime.
Build something into your day that nourishes and energizes you even if it’s only for a few minutes. Be aware that you are taking some much needed time for yourself, that it’s not part of the continuous ‘to do’ list.
Simple self-care ideas that don’t require a lot of time:
- Warm cup of herbal tea
- Make a smoothie
- Deep breathing
- Play a favorite song to dance or sing to
- Go outside for some fresh air and sunshine
- Play with a four legged friend
May you find the patience and peace you need to enjoy the remaining summer days while preparing for new beginnings!
I have been afraid of spiders for as long as I can remember. Growing up if there was one in my room, even if it was tiny, I would not be able to rest until it was gone. I was so afraid and I experienced a lot of physical and emotional stress, someone else had to remove it. As an adult my fear became worse. Country living presented more opportunities for me to engage in my fear of spiders, and by example show my kids how to fear them too. I would scream and panic, my heart would pound, I would hyperventilate. I would feel scared, threatened, frustrated, and completely helpless. I would alarm the whole household and yell for my husband until he came to help.
Our fears go much deeper than what is on the surface, beyond the current day upsets and issues. There is a powerful subconscious piece also at work, a hidden programming. Thankfully there are techniques that work with this subconscious piece while addressing the current day issues. Techniques that can help us lessen our fears, and make life more manageable and peaceful for ourselves and our families.
Using these techniques I have created a new reality for myself with regards to spiders. I may feel surprised by a spider but I am (90% of the time) in control and I’m able to remove them from my home by myself, if I feel the need to. I am now able to role model mindful behaviour with my girls with regards to spiders. Last summer I heard the distress in my 6 year old daughter’s voice yelling “Mom there’s a spider in your room!” I grabbed a tissue and off I went to check it out confidently. She was quite upset and pointed to my window. I looked and smiled at the spider and explained that I had found that small spider there a few days ago and had decided to let it stay, that it was my friend. She looked at me, her concern was gone and she said “oh ok, that spider got in my head.” More recently I opened my car window and a good sized spider fell in and was 6 inches away from me. I was able to stay calm, in control, and safe. At the next stop I was able to get rid of it and carry on. As for the other 10%, I do have a spider size limit – I prefer to have someone help me with the big hairy ones and I’m okay with that.
We don’t have to live with our fears ruling our lives. It is possible to shift into a place where the fear is greatly reduced and much more manageable. We can lessen the reaction to the fear and be able to respond to the situation with a clear head and figure out the next steps of action calmly. We are always role modeling for our children whether it’s mindfully or not. Choosing to model mindful behaviour coming from a place of power, what a beautiful gift to ourselves and our children!
The older I get the more I realize how important it is to experience nature in my life on a regular basis. A couple of weeks ago I was admiring some of our evergreen trees and how beautiful they were with their two toned colour. It got me thinking about how brilliant and obvious their healthy new growth was. How every year they produce new growth under ideal conditions and how that growth builds upon itself each year to become larger and stronger in its presence. The growth is a result of what went into that tree – air, sun, rain, soil, and the much needed space to expand.
Sometimes it takes a while for us to see our own new growth. What we were doing or implementing 6 months ago can be benefitting us now and we may not even be recognizing it. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could see our own new growth as so obvious and brilliant? And see how it helps give us our depth and beauty, and how it extends out to the people around us. It’s so easy to just rush on by and not notice or celebrate all the good we do for ourselves and how it impacts us positively.
I’m also reminded to continually be aware of what I’m putting into me to create the kind of growth I want for myself in my personal and business life. To reflect inwards and ask what am I happy about right now in my life? What areas am I wanting to improve in some way? This present time in my life is a product of the choices I made leading up to now. What choices worked for me, and what choices did I make and not enjoy the end result of? What steps can I take to make some new choices and how can I implement them? There is a great deal of power in realizing we are the creators of our own lives and consciously stepping into choice.
Being consciously aware isn’t always an easy path though. There have been many times when I wished I wasn’t so aware and wondered how I could go back to being oblivious and not take on the responsibility. Thankfully those moments are fleeting and I get back on my mindful feet – my choice!
Mother Nature doesn’t require an appointment so I invite you to take advantage of this beautiful season. Take 5 minutes for yourself, grab some water to sip (I keep frozen berries on hand to add to my water) and go sit outside and nourish your senses. Place your bare feet directly on the ground, feel the warmth of the sun or the cool air of the shade. Listen to the birds singing, the leaves rustling in the wind. Take in all the colours of your surroundings, smell the warm sweet air and enjoy!
Years ago when I was a single mom I was doing the best I could with some chaotic circumstances that were out of my control. Everything felt upside down for me, the pieces of my life were scattered all about and I was in survival mode. In those years music was an escape for me, I always had a deep affection for music, to sing, and get lost in the lyrics. I had bought Shania Twain’s album UP! and played it often in the car for my daughter and I, she was turning 4 that year. We spent many a ride singing together in my car. I loved peeking in the rear view mirror to see her little red lips moving and to hear her sweet voice.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago. We were taking a family drive up north and my daughter, now 16, decided to be music DJ for us. She put on this Shania Twain album and we sang together and enjoyed the scenery. After singing the song “She’s Not Just a Pretty Face” by Shania Twain my daughter said “honestly that song made me think that it was cool to be a smart girl, and that you can really be something”! Behind my sunglasses there were tears of relief and joy. There were times I made some not so great choices and also times I made some really awesome choices that made a difference in our lives in a wonderful way. I was reminded that not only did we survive a very difficult time in our lives but we are thriving now. My teenage daughter knows she matters in this world and is very much on her way to building an amazing future for herself!
On the flip side of this, we can also think about how a small negative experience in a child’s life can leave an imprint, and impact a child. My point here is not to scare us mamas but to create awareness around this. We are human, we all have good, bad, and ugly days. However, being a mindful mom doesn’t have to be difficult or strained. It can be as simple as playing some music with a wonderful message that creates a positive little imprint, one that can do wonders for years to come. I invite you to play the song (or another uplifting one) for your school age kids and ask them what they got out of it – what did it mean to them, how did it make them feel? I would just LOVE to hear what they think!