Accepting Changes: Children Home from University for the Holidays

Accepting Changes: Children Home from University for the Holidays

I had heard from others that when my daughter came home for the holidays it would be great.  Then by the end of it I’d probably be ready to see her on her way back to school and get back to ‘normal’.  I thought okay, I understand what they are saying about the new dynamics and routine changing but let’s see how this plays out for me, for us, for our family!

We Easily Fell Back into Our Family Unit

During the three weeks together we all easily fell back into our family unit of 4, 5 including our faithful chocolate lab who seemed extra happy to have her pack back together!  It was a joyous time, a time to celebrate and just be together.  There were many family dinners home and out, skiing for my husband and the girls (reading for me), time together up north, holiday shopping, movies, lunches, friends, etc.

A Tear-filled Goodbye

Fast forward to all four of us standing in a long line at the train station with all these young adults heading back to their school ‘homes’.  We seemed to be the exception with more of the young adults standing on their own in line.  I could tell our family unit energy was interesting to others around us and perhaps even comforting.  My husband providing an easy going option for a couple of the younger male adults to ask their questions to.

All of a sudden it was time to say goodbye and we created a family jam in the line when hugging our oldest girl.  As we walked away my younger daughter started to cry; I had been fine until I saw and felt her sadness of her big sis leaving.  I did the only thing that came naturally to me; held her hand, and told her it was okay to be sad. It was okay to cry and I shed some tears along with her as we walked to the parking garage.

As I sat on the couch later that evening reflecting on how the last three weeks went I thought, no, I wasn’t derailed by the new dynamic or of my routine being affected.  In fact this past holiday break may have been the first one I wasn’t dying for school to start again or to get back into routine.   I loved the family time we spent together without the urge of wanting it to be something different!  I felt peaceful and accepting of what is.

Did you have a similar experience over the holiday season with accepting changes?

I would love to hear from you. You can join the conversation on Facebook, or you can send me a message privately here.

Wishing you and yours a happy new year!

Nicole

Thankful Thoughts

Thanksgiving was extra special for my family and I this year as we got to have my older daughter home from school for a visit. It was short and sweet, the minutes seemed to go by so quickly. If I wasn’t fully present I would have missed precious time. I enjoyed the much needed energy connection and conversation with my family and friends.

I was so thankful as I was reminded many times of the importance of the work I do with my clients and for myself as an individual, mom, wife, sister, friend, and woman in business. The specific point of minding my own ‘stuff’ the unresolved emotions, issues, events and how that can show up in my energy and interactions with others. All human beings have their own stuff, no one gets a pass on this. We all have silent and not so silent battles, conflicts, and challenges going on inside of us. We bring all this stuff with us wherever we go. We are all responsible for the energy we bring to each and every situation and our relationships whether we like it or not.

I am very grateful for my health, family, friends, and my life. However, I was really feeling the need to bring my reflection inwards: I am thankful for my self-awareness (even when it annoys me), for knowing that I am the driver of my life (even when sometimes I don’t want to be), for the ability to create calmness and peace in my system when stress rises, for the ability to create more patience and compassion for myself which also extends to the people around me, for knowing that I always have a choice (even when it feels like have no choice). No matter what is going on around me I always have the opportunity to look inwards and this gives me hope!

Building Love & Connection with a Bunny & a Bear

A few years ago my Trainer and Mentor, Nancy Forrester (NeftTI.com), shared an idea with me that I just loved and never forgot.  I kept this idea close and hoped that when the time came for my older daughter to move away to attend university that she would be game for the idea.  Well, she liked the idea too!

We went into the store with smiles on our faces.  It was fun to look at all the possible choices.  As store helpers came to make sure we were looked after we shared with them what our plan was, that put a smile on their faces too.  We both chose an animal we felt somehow represented us.  I gravitated to the bunny and my daughter to a brown bear.  We lined up with the rest of the kids to get our stuffed animals filled.  We chose our hearts and performed the little heart ritual which I enjoyed as it was all good energy and intentions going into the heart.  Then we added custom scents – I picked lavender because I love essential oils, my daughter chose sugar cookie because she loves to bake.  Next was our favourite part – picking out the clothes!  Then we sat down to create the certificates for our animals.  We used our names for our stuffed animals, I name mine Momma Bunny.  We both found the process fun!  Now the next step was to get them home and make sure to take a picture of the two of the animals together.  Then we gave each other the stuffed animal we made.

My daughters bear has stayed home with me and Momma Bunny went with my daughter to her dorm room.  Even when we are not with each other, there is a little part of us, a little love if it’s ever needed as we navigate this new chapter together but apart.  My wish is for this idea to be shared with as many parents as possible so if they love the idea too, they can keep it close and enjoy the process of creating a little more love and connection with their child when it’s time for their child to start their next chapter!

 

From Uncomfortable Change to a New Normal

Lately I’ve been enjoying some new normals in my professional life. It’s a great feeling when you realize and appreciate that which was once out of your comfort zone now feels easy, a no brainer, a natural part of your life. For those who are highly sensitive, like myself, and want to create some change it can require many smaller steps rather than a few big ones and done. Here’s what I do:

  • I prefer to break things down into small manageable chunks. Even though the steps are smaller I can still feel resistance or stressed with regards to a task. That may look like me feeling confused or fearful, having negative thoughts, unable to focus, procrastinating, my body aching, or perhaps its external circumstances I’m allowing to get in the way. I use EFT/Tapping to interrupt my stress response and address whatever is coming up for me at the time either by myself or with my practitioner.
  • As I move through my steps and have positive experiences and outcomes I have learned to harness this positive energy. I intentionally use it to propel myself forward into another step on my list like saying yes to an opportunity that feels uncomfortable for me. What If I have an experience that didn’t go so well from one of my steps? I use my EFT/Tapping to interrupt my stress response and address what’s coming up for me about it too so I don’t stay stuck there and lose momentum.
  • I have found that I work best moving through my steps when I am accountable to someone else so I always have an accountability buddy that I report to.

How do we avoid burnout when we are creating change that feels uncomfortable? The steps above along with other supportive habits through the process like meditation, nutrition, hydration, exercise, and human connection are all pieces of a foundation that is built to not only reach the change/goal/big step, but also to be able to sustain the change in a healthy way.

(Our Own) Truth Be Told

So many of us can be challenged with speaking our own truth. Many of us may have learned that doing so can get us into trouble with others.  Sometimes we are so concerned about what others think that we will avoid it at all cost.

There are many thoughts and feelings as to why we are not speaking our truth. We may not feel safe to do it, we don’t want to upset the other person, we want to avoid conflict, we want to be able to go about our ways and still have everyone like us, we don’t want to be judged, we want to feel accepted, or we may feel responsible for keeping the peace.  We may have a great need to explain ourselves and give lots of detail, or we may avoid others and the conversation or situation all together.  We may even end up resenting others, blaming them thinking it’s their fault that we can’t speak our truth.  The whole thing can be exhausting.  When we do this we give our power away.  Why are other people’s thoughts and feelings more important than our own?  By not speaking our own truth we end up hurting ourselves. We pay a price that will worsen over time.  That price is customized to the individual.

The first step is becoming aware of how not speaking our truth does not serve us, and knowing the price we are paying. It’s a step by step process of gathering experience and working on what comes up for us during the steps.  If you are feeling challenged and wish to have more freedom to speak your truth, please feel free to drop me a line at nicoletomingas@gmail.com.