Sitting in Our Own Chairs
Our lives are full of so many relationships that we interact with all day, every day. And the moments towards the ends of our lives here on earth are not about money, material possessions, success, etc. Rather, what matters most is our relationship with ourself and our relationships with our loved ones. This is what we have to hold on to and make peace with as we make the greatest transition. Thankfully, while we are still here, we have the opportunity to consciously deepen and strengthen these important relationships with our loved ones.
My Introduction to this Concept
I was introduced to the meaningful concept of ‘sitting in my own chair’ by my trainer and mentor, Nancy Forrester, with regards to working with clients. Picture a football or soccer field with a clearly marked center line. One half is my side, the other half is the client’s side. When we come together to do some work we both pull our chairs up towards the center line to be closer. It is my job to stay seated in my chair and to lovingly support the client and help facilitate their work while I stay in a regulated state. For this, I use tapping to maintain a regulated state.
My Personal Journey
I found that sitting in my chair as a helping professional to hold and maintain these loving boundaries to facilitate work and growth is very doable. When I consciously brought this concept into other important relationships, like parenting, I found it can be quite challenging as our needs can get in the way at times.
We are all trying to meet our needs, it’s just a natural part of the human experience that happens to shows up in our lives every single day. Expecting our family to meet our needs, regardless of how good our intentions are, does not take away from the fact that it’s at their expense.
It’s Complicated
Our needs affect how and when we are sitting in our chair. Some will have a hard time sitting in their chair at all. Others can sit in their chair as long as things are going fairly smoothly until there is a bump in the road. It can be so easy to jump up and out of our chair to do for others what they can do for themselves. Maybe we don’t want them to feel pain, discomfort, rejection, sadness, or to become upset. Or maybe we don’t want to feel any of that in relation to them. We know it’s not healthy to try to live our kids’ lives for them. To not allow them to make choices and experience the outcomes, age appropriately of course. Throughout their stages we will be required to lovingly hold space for them to live and move through things.
Final Thoughts
The question is – do we as parents know how to sit in our own chair and regulate our systems? If the answer is no right now, that is okay. Let’s begin where we are and if you need some help with this please feel free to reach out to me. While I have not completely mastered this, it’s an ongoing process, and I have made significant shifts. Together, let’s create the possibility for a time when we are close to the center line across from our loved ones sitting in our own chair comfortably supporting ourselves and lovingly supporting them too.
You can join the conversation on Facebook, or you can send me a private message here.
Until Next Time,
Nicole