Nicole Tomingas

Years ago when I was a single mom I was doing the best I could with some chaotic circumstances that were out of my control. Everything felt upside down for me, the pieces of my life were scattered all about and I was in survival mode.  In those years music was an escape for me, I always had a deep affection for music, to sing, and get lost in the lyrics.   I had bought Shania Twain’s album UP! and played it often in the car for my daughter and I, she was turning 4 that year.  We spent many a ride singing together in my car.  I loved peeking in the rear view mirror to see her little red lips moving and to hear her sweet voice.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago. We were taking a family drive up north and my daughter, now 16, decided to be music DJ for us.  She put on this Shania Twain album and we sang together and enjoyed the scenery.  After singing the song “She’s Not Just a Pretty Face” by Shania Twain my daughter said “honestly that song made me think that it was cool to be a smart girl, and that you can really be something”!  Behind my sunglasses there were tears of relief and joy.  There were times I made some not so great choices and also times I made some really awesome choices that made a difference in our lives in a wonderful way.  I was reminded that not only did we survive a very difficult time in our lives but we are thriving now.  My teenage daughter knows she matters in this world and is very much on her way to building an amazing future for herself!

On the flip side of this, we can also think about how a small negative experience in a child’s life can leave an imprint, and impact a child. My point here is not to scare us mamas but to create awareness around this.  We are human, we all have good, bad, and ugly days.  However, being a mindful mom doesn’t have to be difficult or strained.  It can be as simple as playing some music with a wonderful message that creates a positive little imprint, one that can do wonders for years to come.  I invite you to play the song (or another uplifting one) for your school age kids and ask them what they got out of it – what did it mean to them, how did it make them feel?  I would just LOVE to hear what they think!

As we step into motherhood our habits, thoughts, beliefs, and certain ways of life that were doing ok before can now be magnified when we have kids. Being a mom is also being a caregiver. Helping to nourish, raise, teach and guide our children. It requires a tremendous amount of our time, energy, and patience. It can evoke strong feelings of love, joy, compassion, connection, and blessed feelings. It can also draw out fear, guilt, anger, frustration, and overwhelm. Let’s add in that moms these days have a lot on their plates. Feeling stressed, run down, and burned out can be a challenging day to day reality for moms and their families.

About five years ago I found myself wearing the most hats I’d ever had to date. I was a busy mom to 2 wonderful girls, I was remarried and helping my husband run a successful business, I volunteered, helped care for our house and cottage. I was people pleaser and was really good at saying yes to all sorts of requests. I looked fine on the outside but inside I was a mess. I went nonstop and did a minimal amount of self-care. That’s until I found myself dealing with a severe back seizure and everything stopped. I couldn’t do anything for anyone. This started a whole new path in my life, a new learning of taking care of me and supporting myself in all sorts of ways.

Sometimes we believe that looking after ourselves can be selfish, or the people around us might believe that. I believe when we take the time and energy to regularly build in time to nourish ourselves we then come from a happier, more peaceful place. This translates into happier, more peaceful giving. This happier, more peaceful giving looks different, sounds different, and it feels different to the giver and the receiver. A wonderful win / win situation!

Let’s face it, all of us moms are busy these days so I have a TIP for you while you’re going to the bathroom. While you’re having a seat put your shoulders back, lift your chin and smile (as big as you can). Hold the smile for 17 seconds, this releases happy hormones. Enjoy!

I support moms to help them learn how to support themselves. When moms support themselves by taking the time to re-energize and nourish their minds, bodies, and souls they are more peaceful, happier, and are better able to look after their families. If this is something that you would like for you and your family then let’s have a conversation!