Growing Up Highly Sensitive

Growing Up Highly Sensitive

When I was growing up, I talked a lot and loved people. I was the family entertainer, full of life and known as the sensitive one. I lived in extremes of excitedly happy, really upset, or easily scared. All of which affected me physically. I was scared of the dark, and slept with many blankets on top of me, thinking that would keep me safer. In grade one class time was social time for me. This resulted in having to do my work on the floor away from my peers.

I remember going to the airport with my parents to drop their friends off and being overcome with sadness even though I hardly knew them and trying to hide my emotions. In grade four I began to panic when I didn’t know what I was doing; so I started faking sick for certain tests. The first morning of riding camp I saw a boy get bucked off a horse and hit the ground hard. It terrified me to my core. So I decided to spend most of the two week riding camp in the infirmary not feeling well, anything to avoid that terrified feeling.

I would scream with my mouth closed when I heard buzzing and saw a wasp around me. I would do a spider check in my room every night before bed and if I found one I would not be able to rest until it was gone. If I was hungry I needed to stop and eat right away in order to continue with what I was doing. I connected very deeply with our dog and we spent a lot of time together, he knew when I was upset and would stay with me.

I was supposed to use my inhalers daily for my Asthma but hated the way the medication felt in my body. In high school, exams were very stressful for me, to the point where my stomach would get upset throughout every exam time. I couldn’t handle watching scary movies and anything suspenseful created such a charge in me that I wasn’t able to sit still.

How Did I Cope?

My feelings would be hurt easily, and I would often get overwhelmed. I worried about what others thought of me, and I compared myself to others. It was exhausting. My coping strategies included avoiding people and things, sometimes trying to control people and my environment and unhealthy people pleasing. I often retreated into my head to daydream, purposely lost myself in music, or placed myself into the books I read. My sensitivity carried into my adult years. It just grew bigger.

My family did their very best to help me along with their expectations and the expectations of this world. Naturally, I was encouraged to toughen up, get thicker skin, to be organized and to focus on the task at hand. When I look back my younger years, it was a lot to be me. Most things felt like too much for my system to handle; whether it was externally in my environment or my internal thoughts, feelings, emotions and energy charges.

I’m sharing part of my story as you may resonate with this personally, please know you are not alone. Or maybe you have children or a loved one that is highly sensitive and it will bring in some awareness of what it can be like. There is hope for us highly sensitive people; we do not need to live in isolation! Hope is upheld with knowing that whatever is going on for us, or around us, we have the power to look inwards, work on what’s coming up for us, and make new choices for our wellbeing.

I would love to hear from you. You can join the conversation on Facebook, or you can send me a private message here.

Nicole

Bringing Self-Awareness and Some Love to Our Bodies

Bringing Self-Awareness and Some Love to Our Bodies

Self-awareness is a key concept I discuss often in terms of thoughts, emotions & behaviours. Another component to self-awareness is being in tune with our bodies. However, with all the stressors in our day to day lives we can easily become out of tune and disconnected from our bodies. Then not realize when we are holding tension in places or breathing shallowly. My valued colleague and friend, Ara Good, is an RMT & Integrative Wellness Specialist. The segment below has been taken from her blog, Becoming A Crusader-of-Calm. It also includes two body awareness exercises that have been adapted from the book “The Art of Effortless Living”. If you are feeling up to it, perhaps you will give them a try.

Body Scan

Wherever you are right now, close your eyes and take a moment to scan your body.
Start from your feet. Feel them on the ground. Can you feel the socks or shoes on your feet? Are they hot, cold? Just get a good sense of what sensations you feel in them.
Now move to your calves and shins.
Then the knees.
Thighs.
Hips and bum.
Stomach (a big storehouse for stress). Is it clenched? Is there tension here?
Chest and ribs.
Now the back. How is the lower back, the middle and the upper back?
Shoulders. Are they raised? Can you let them fall?
Neck. The front, sides and back. How’s it feeling at the base of the skull?
Scalp.
Face. Is there tension around the mouth, or around the eyes, or brows?
Were you surprised by some of the sensations you came across?
Just taking the time to scan the body focuses the mind and allows the nervous system to relax a little.
Scan again, but now try to allow your body to soften or “melt” if you come across tension.

Breathing Check-In

Close your eyes.
Bring your attention to the sensation of your breath. Can you feel the air move through your nostrils, past your throat into your chest? How far does the air go?
Watch your breath for a minute or two. You will notice it become deeper. Yay! Deeper breathing = relaxation.

Do a check in as often as you can throughout the day to get an idea of how your body is doing and to calm it down. You don’t need to close your eyes. You can do it while you drive, or while in conversations with people etc. You can also incorporate EFT/tapping to add to the relaxation effect.

Remember, we are generally so out of touch with our bodies that it may take practice, but if you continue to work on this, you will start to improve your ability to not only feel, but also relax your body at will.

Let me know how the exercises above worked for you. Were you surprised at where you were holding some tension or how high up your breath actually stays?

I would love to hear from you. You can join the conversation on Facebook, or you can send me a private message here.

Nicole

New Year Hope

Another year has begun. There is fresh new energy and possibilities all around, just waiting to be harnessed. Many people will be excited and feel energized and ready to make things happen in 2019. On the flip side, there will also be many who are relieved that 2018 has come to an end. The year was difficult, challenging or painful in significant ways for them.

Then there will be some who are not looking for the ‘happy’ New Year, but are in need of some hope for the year ahead. I know how that feels. I’ve had many years like that in my life. And I’m so thankful that I was able to find hope when I needed it the most. No matter where we are in our journey we can always use a little hope!

For me 2018 was a year of greater movement toward awareness and freedom in different areas of my life. This past year I found myself making some changes I hadn’t planned, but when the opportunity for change appeared I honoured and followed it, and I am so glad I did.

There was one significant change that I made because I had arrived at a new vibrational state that could uphold the change. The new freedom I have created for myself has been both surprising and incredible. I’m constantly reminded of these little freedom experiences and they feel really good. I’ve thought about the way things used to be a couple of times, wondering how it might feel to put that old coat back on. Even the thought of it feels tight and restrictive, no thank you! I choose to keep my flexibility and freedom, because now that’s more important to me.

Intentions Instead of Resolutions

I have not made New Year’s resolutions in many years. For me, I’m not in alignment with them, and understanding that is very freeing for me. However, I do make plans for the coming year. I have intentions and I will change these intentions if I feel I need to. Because I’m consistently doing my internal work, my vibrational state may change from the time I made the intention or plans. It could be quite different in a week, month or months as I am constantly evolving and giving myself permission to course correct based on my present vibrational state. That could mean letting something go, or really amping up some of my original intention and plans.

I know for many change is very uncomfortable (thank goodness for tapping) and course correcting can feel quite scary in a world that often insists on ‘finish what you start’. I’m so grateful to have found a way to move beyond that belief so I can honour me, my personality and my soul.

Wishing you a hope filled New Year where ever you are in your journey!

I would love to hear from you about your plans and intentions for the new year. You can join the conversation on Facebook, or you can send me a private message here.

Nicole

Intentional Living During the Holidays

The holiday season is in full swing and how do we support ourselves during these fun yet possibly challenging times? There are many extra stresses during this time; changes in routine, travel, dinners and parties, holiday concerts, extra sensory input, and family dynamics, just to name a few. Sadness and missing loved ones who have passed on can also come flooding in. And then there are the expectations. This is a big one. Our kids, our partners, extended families, friends and colleagues, and ourselves, all come into play.

What’s It All About?

It’s helpful to ask ourselves this question, and a few others, to get us thinking about what we are creating for ourselves this holiday season:

What am I looking forward to doing this holiday season?
Thinking back to past holidays, what worked well for me?
What areas felt like I was being stretched too much?
Did I feel angry or resentful with someone or something?
Did I feel like I was being tossed around in the current of others’ expectations?
Am I hosting or is someone else?
If I am hosting, how does that make me feel? Excited, happy, overwhelmed, exhausted?
Do I need support for shopping, cleaning, food preparation? If so, who can I ask to help lend a hand?
What can I say no to this year, to support myself in a greater way?
What can I say yes to this year, to support myself in a greater way?

Nourishing Ideas to Help Manage Stress and Re-energize:

Stay hydrated and keep lots of healthy snacks on hand.
Enjoy the unconditional love of a furry four-legged friend.
Enjoy outdoor activities while getting some fresh air.
Spend time with friends you enjoy having a good laugh with.
Take a few minutes for deep, slow breathing and short meditations to slow your system down.
Mind your boundaries, and kindly say no to things/people/events that aren’t for your highest and best good.
Use Bronze tapping as a self-help tool, either to calm your systems down, or to shake off feeling tired.

I would love to hear from you about your plans to enjoy the holidays in a positive way. You can join the conversation on Facebook, or you can send me a private message here.

Wishing you peace and joy for the Holiday Season!

Nicole

Conscious Parenting: Fast Forward to the University Years

When your kids turn eighteen and head off to the next part of their lives, it can be exciting, scary, and confusing all at once. Both parents and children are expected to evolve and change the roles and habits they’ve been used to for many years. This can feel abrupt from the parent’s point of view, from the child’s point of view, or from both. It can be difficult to separate where we as parents end and where our kids as individuals begin. This transitionary period can be a great time for our kids. They have more freedom, but remain slightly dependant. They will go off and have adult experiences, but on a slightly smaller scale. It allows them an opportunity to step out and use the life skills we’ve taught them through the years.

When new relationship boundary lines are being drawn, it can often be a bit messy. We can have the tendency to slip back into old ways and overstep these new boundaries. One example would be when they call us to talk about an issue they’re having and we just want to fix it. There are many reasons we try to jump in; we don’t want to hear about the issue or deal with it, we don’t feel they are capable of dealing with it, it’s just easier for us to do it, or perhaps we want our worry or anxiety about their issue to end. These justifications are all our stuff that we bring into the situation. Things we can work on for ourselves. Perhaps they don’t want or need us to fix it but just need someone to listen so they can talk things through. Or on the flip side it could be that they don’t want to do what is required because they know we’ll do it for them, even though they are quite capable.

What Can We Do Instead?

So how do we proceed within these new boundaries? Look after and support ourselves first. Then we can consciously provide a space where our children can connect with us openly and feel heard. Then when they share an issue, once we’ve heard what’s going on, we can ask some curious questions:

How is that a problem for you?

What do you see as your options?

How is that working for you?

What would you rather have happen?

What have you tried already?

Would you like some alternative options?

What are the possible consequences of this?

This last question is important because they are not always aware of the possible consequences. Their brains are still developing, and depending on the issue at hand and the decisions to be made, there could be a lifetime of consequences. This deserves a discussion. In this space of talking things out and answering these questions there can be a neat shift in the type of energy they bring to the issue, allowing for clarity and greater possibilities. This is part of what it looks like to support them in this period of their lives.

So let’s give ourselves a break, and recognize that we are not going to be perfect at this, it’s a process. I am truly thankful for the community of conscious parents that I have in my life. Some, who are in the same parenting stage as me, and many more, who have gone before me. I hold their wisdom with high regard and find comfort, strength and inspiration within my conscious community. It is because of them that I can share this insight and information with you today.

I would love to hear from you about your growth as parents. You can join the conversation on Facebook, or you can send me a private message here.

Nicole