Being mindful of boundaries is something no one can do for us in our adult life. If we don’t look after our boundaries we leave ourselves open to everyone else’s ideas and perceptions. That’s usually not a good feeling.
Speaking Up for Ourselves
Whether it’s feeling hurt, frustrated, less than, or resentment. When we don’t speak up for ourselves because we are trying to keep the peace or have the desire to be liked, whatever the reason is, we are sending the message that ‘your feelings are more important than mine’. That can result in us feeling bad and projecting outward feeling that it’s their fault. Anytime we feel resentment it’s an opportunity to have a good look at the role we are playing with regards to the person that we feel the resentment towards. It means we didn’t look after ourselves in the way that we needed.
Boundaries Can Be a Weak Area for Sensitive Systems
It can feel like it takes a great deal of energy and effort not only to create boundaries but also to maintain them and that can be exhausting. On the flip side, not having healthy boundaries and leaving ourselves exposed and running ourselves ragged is also exhausting. Waiting for others to change, to see the light isn’t going to work. We need to do the work for ourselves, it’s a choice.
Steps Towards Creating Boundaries
Creating boundaries isn’t popular with others. In fact, some may dial up their behaviour hoping we’ll go back to the old way. This may take some time, persistence, and patience from us. If, at the moment we feel most uncomfortable, we can hold that ground, feel being uncomfortable and do it anyways, we will have made a good shift into new possibilities.
Starting this new process can be really messy at first. It can be received as super assertive or even a little aggressive. Imagine the pendulum swinging in the complete opposite direction before swinging back and forth enough times to be able to rest in the middle of neutrality. Eventually with enough practice and the gathering of good little experiences with boundary creating it can become second nature in a way that is kind yet firm.
When we create and maintain healthy, mindful boundaries in our relationships with regards to our time, physical energy, mental/emotional energy, and even money, it benefits us immensely. It also benefits others as we role model healthy boundaries to those around us – our children, family, friends, colleagues, clients – it’s a win/win!
I would love to hear from you. You can join the conversation on Facebook, or you can send me a private message here.
Nicole