Blog Page 3 of 7 - Nicole Tomingas

Why Not Just Be Positive All The Time?

Do you ever have upsetting or uncomfortable feelings but then decide you shouldn’t feel that way? That you should be positive, happy or feel grateful because (fill in the blank)? When we avoid our uncomfortable emotions by shutting them down, pushing them away, or bypassing them they don’t just magically disappear. Our bodies store the imprints of them energetically and we can only hold so much before we start to overload. It is important to process these emotions and to physically experience them at the same time.

All of the emotions we feel have beliefs attached to them. Some beliefs serve us well, while others, not so much. We can ask ourselves what would have to be true for me to be feeling this way? When the beliefs do not serve us and we choose to avoid our emotions this actually promotes subconscious negativity for us. The opposite of what we were trying to do in the first place – EEK!

Upsetting Emotions and Parenting

For those of us who are parents, if we avoid our own emotions, what are our expectations on our kids and their emotions? When they have upsetting or uncomfortable emotions, it can often feel inconvenient, with regards to what we have planned, or with what we need to get done. Are we modeling healthy emotional habits for them? Or are we encouraging them to shut down, stuff, or bypass emotions, insisting they be happy, positive or grateful to suit ourselves?

When we use EFT/tapping as a self-help tool in the moment of upset or stress we can neutralize upsetting emotions and regulate our physiology. This allows us to free up some energy to shift into a calm place and start to feel better. From here we can move into higher vibration emotions with greater ease. It’s a totally different kind of energy, and a much healthier way to arrive with ease vs. arriving somewhere with force. Moving into higher vibration emotions with ease has a greater impact on ourselves and the ones who surround us, as we can come from a genuine place of joy and gratitude.

I would love to hear from you. You can join the conversation on Facebook, or you can send me a private message here.

Exploring Being Our Authentic Selves

In our personal and professional lives ‘being authentic’ is a popular term. It is a quality many of us hold with high regard. It’s associated with being original, speaking our truth, having our actions reflect our inner truth; including our thoughts, feelings, beliefs and values. It’s also about not compromising, and presenting an un-true version of ourselves, based on what society or others want or expect.

I view the process of being authentic as a journey, not a destination. There are levels of being authentic; directly impacted by our ability to support our inner selves and how self-aware we are. The more in tune we are with ourselves the more we are able to show up and be authentic at any given moment.

Accepting and Understanding Our Internal Conflict

It’s one thing to be authentic with the qualities about ourselves that we like. But what about the aspects of ourselves we are not at peace with? The parts or pieces we don’t like? How do we truly be authentic when there is internal conflict, or certain aspects we wish to hide? In my thirties my world really opened up when I started learning about myself in a deeper way. As I unpacked and worked on myself it gave me the opportunity to have experiences with speaking my truth in a healthy way. Even a few years ago my ability to be authentic was in a vastly different place than it is now. I’m always doing my best with the internal information I have.

It’s a Process

If we wish to show up as our most authentic selves it requires exploration and acceptance of our ongoing thoughts, feelings, behaviours and needs as they are. This allows us the opportunity to understand ourselves, who we are and who we are not, at a very deep level. Only then can we speak and act in alignment with this connection. Being authentic is an intentional living process, always evolving, and not to be taken lightly.

I would love to hear from you. You can join the conversation on Facebook, or you can send me a private message here.

Nicole

Encouraging Imagination & Creativity, Summer Edition

We live in a world of packed schedules and constant stimulation. Unfortunately, the majority of this stimulation is on a screen of some sort. Even though summer is a nice break from the school routine, if you have elementary school-aged kids you may be familiar with, “Mom/Dad I’m bored!”

Some of us parents dread those words, I know I used to. Right there in that moment, after those words are spoken, we have a choice. We can jump into action, making sure they have something to do, places to go, something to watch or play. Or, we can choose not to get sucked into the boredom storm with them. If we are willing to make a conscious decision to lovingly hold our kids in this bored space long enough that is when creativity can come alive.

Whether it be building forts, spelling out their names with items found in nature, drawing with chalk on the driveway, playing pretend, looking for bugs, riding bikes, collecting rocks, or just playing in the dirt, creativity can take shape in many ways.

Just One Example of Summer Creativity

When my girls were younger, I would give them big dollar store paintbrushes so they could ‘paint’ with water outside. Eventually, the sun would dry up the water, and the surfaces could be water painted again.

Depending on the age of your kids they may need some help coming up with some off-screen options. If they’d like some ideas, give them a couple to think about. If it comes to, ‘nothing is good’ (unless it’s screen time), perhaps let them be in that bored space until they feel a little better about it. Not only do I think it’s okay for kids to be bored, I think it’s healthy!

Please note: do not try to implement this strategy when you are in a rush or feeling stressed or upset. Make sure your system is regulated, that you have the time to hold your kids in a loving ‘bored’ space. If you find you are in a constant state of stress, that is a whole other topic I would happy to chat with you about!

I would love to hear from you. You can join the conversation on Facebook, or you can send me a private message here.

Nicole

Recharging By Connecting with Mother Nature

Summers here in Ontario are short and sweet, so I’d like to invite us adults to take the opportunity to recharge with Mother Nature’s offerings. I personally enjoy the small wildlife that appears with the warmer weather. I have a real affection for watching what the bunnies, hummingbirds, robins, chipmunks and dragonflies are up to, or even catching the magical glimpses of fireflies. There is also a real enjoyment that comes from seeing all the colours and smelling all the scents of the flowers that bloom; of keeping track of how the apples are growing on the trees.

How Can Natural Elements Calm You?

Sun – feeling the warmth of the sun on your face for a few minutes, or watching the beautiful colours of a sunrise or sunset
Water – staring out at and listening to the rhythmic waves of a lake, swimming, floating, wading in the water, or stopping to listen to the rain
Earth – pressing your bare feet on the grass, sand and rocks, leaning against a tree or just resting your hand on the trunk and looking up at all its glory
Air – breathing in fresh air, the feel of a breeze against your face, arms, legs, or listening to the rustling of leaves as the wind blows
Fire – enjoying a bonfire; the smell, the crackle and pop, just soaking in how it lights up the night

Bonfire Activity

Write out something you’d like to get off your chest, an issue you’d like to have more peace with. It could be about a person/event/circumstance/relationship.

Now write what comes to mind regarding this thing – your thoughts/feelings/sensations/emotions (I like to tap when I’m doing this part).

This activity can be done with school age kids too, simply adapt it to their level. For example, is there anything that makes you mad, or sad? Depending on their age, they can use words, pictures, or symbols to communicate their feelings.

Now here’s the tricky part – no reading anyone else’s paper; unless someone asks you to read it. This is pre-explained before the writing begins.

What surfaces for you as you think about not reading what your partner or children wrote? Perhaps you think, sure that’s fine. Or maybe it’s, what do you mean I don’t get to read theirs? I don’t even get to ask if it’s ok to read it? Nope. This is where our ‘stuff’ can come in, our insistence on needing to know because (fill in the blank with your personal need[s]). The point is to create safe and supportive space where we can write out what we’d like to, without any expectations of having to show it to anyone. Then we get to toss this issue into the fire and watch it burn beautifully in the flames until it turns to ash.

I would love to hear from you. You can join the conversation on Facebook, or you can send me a private message here.

Nicole

How Pancakes Gave Me a Broader Perspective on Family Communication

In high school when I would sleep over at my friend’s house her Dad would make us pancakes with chocolate chips in them. Growing up I was pancake fan and often made them for breakfast on the weekends, but never had I had chocolate chips in them – WOW!

Her dad would also sit down with us at the table and spend time chatting with us. I thought ‘huh, that’s different’. My Dad wasn’t and still isn’t super chatty and I kind of thought that most Dads were just like that. In my teenage years I really began to understand all the different kind of parents through my friends and being in their homes, that the world was much bigger and diverse than my little home!

Starting a New Tradition with My Family

I carried on chocolate chip pancake making through the years. Then when I became a parent I started making them for my daughter. When she was old enough to appreciate the story behind them I shared it with her. I have made many batches of these for her and her friends over the years. My younger daughter loves these pancakes too.

When the friends come over I am known for my chocolate chip pancakes and they are often requested. According to my girls, pancakes aren’t complete unless they have chocolate chips in them. So, if I don’t have any in the house I don’t offer them (learned that one the hard way). By the way I just use a boxed dry mix, nothing fancy. But I do add a teaspoon of vanilla to the batter and I sprinkle semi-sweet chocolate chips on them once I’ve poured them in the pan. Then use whatever I have in the kitchen to top them – icing sugar, berries, maple syrup… that’s up to them!

In our home having my husband sit down and chat with the girls and their friends is quite common. It makes me smile when I see this and I think back to when I first learned about chocolate chip pancakes, my dear friend and her family. I look forward to seeing this little tradition being carried on in my family!

What are some family traditions you use to encourage family time conversation?

I would love to hear from you. You can join the conversation on Facebook, or you can send me a private message here.

Nicole